Be More Like Grandpa

What is it about grandparents that kids relish and adore? For many children, the anticipation of seeing Grandma and Grandpa is unmatchable. Whether they live near or far, whether they’re seen weekly or yearly, the yearning to be with Grandma and Grandpa runs deep. So why should we as parents wait to be grandparents to start making these divine, indelible marks on our children? What lessons can parents adopt from grandparents?

My fondest memories of Grandpa were never related to playing; in fact, I don’t think Grandpa played. My fondest memories were not using Grandpa’s iPhone; in fact, he had an old rotary. My fondest memories with Grandpa were not going to McDonald’s or Disney or anything commercial or expensive; he rarely traveled. My fondest memories were of Grandpa in his house, in his kitchen, at his workbench, in his rocker, in his rose garden. Things were always routine. There was never any yelling. Never any directions. Never any rules. But an inherent respect, a great respect.

Grandpa was one of the last living survivors of the Armenian Genocide. He was born in 1900. Most of his family was killed. He came to America with an elementary school education but managed to learn English, get a job as a chef at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City, marry my grandmother and raise four vibrant, hard-working, successful first-generation children.

When asked who is your role model, who comes to mind? I always say my grandfather. He accomplished everything on his own, with great humility and perspective. Now three decades later, we as a society have so many more miles on our odometers, technology at our fingertips and consumer pressures, yet our children still relish everything “grandpa.”

Here are some suggestions of how to be more “grandpa” for your children’s sake:

1. Prune Your Own Roses: Identify a task you outsource and do it yourself. When is the last time you taught your child how to do something practical, like sew on a button? Fold towels? Or weed a flowerbed? As a little girl, I vividly remember watching my grandfather meticulously prune and expand his rose bushes. I was always asking him how, and he was always open to teaching me.

2. Train Their Taste Buds: Make a couple dinners each week with recipes from your family’s heritage. Too often, we order takeout or make quick dinners that aren’t connected to us culturally. Even to this day, my comfort foods are the authentic meals my grandparents made.

3. Ditch the Car: Take one day a week off from driving. My grandparents were homebodies, typically opting for a long walk over a quick car drive to reach a destination. Today, our culture is car bound with many unnecessary trips.

4. Sit for an Interview: Kids aren’t nearly as curious or intergenerational as they used to be. Knowing my grandfather’s tragic history, I took opportunities to interview him via tape recorder. Let your children know who you are, what your childhood was like and the hurdles you’ve overcome.

5. Be Positively Predictable: Every time I walked into Grandpa’s house, he’d greet me with a huge “bachig” (Armenian word for kiss) and pinch my cheeks so hard I’d cringe. He’d always have on his signature outfit: dark slacks, a neutral knit cardigan and, if we ventured outside, a cabbie hat. When we said goodbye, he’d reach into the hallway closet, grab a brown cardboard box from the top shelf and let us take one bull’s eye candy. Every visit was identical.

Being “grandpa” is not costly, not complicated and not extravagant. Being “grandpa” is calm, conversational and consistent. We must strip away the expectations of how we think we need to parent and pare down to what actually impacts our kids.