Facing The Future Together: How To Approach Difficult Conversations With Aging Parents

Posted

Does this situation sound familiar?

Your mom has had two falls on the stairs, but fortunately, she hasn't been injured. You suggest she move to a home without stairs for safety, and she immediately snaps, telling you to mind your own business.

More often than not, adult children are placed in the challenging position of having to encourage — or even push — their aging parents to make changes for their own benefit. Aging adults are often reluctant to make necessary modifications for their own well-being because it can feel like a loss of independence, and the thought of needing help can be challenging to accept as they navigate the realities of growing older.

According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, two-thirds of Americans do not have a living will or advance directive outlining their end-of-life care wishes. This statistic suggests that most of the aging population is not proactively planning for their needs as they age.

The conversations about the appropriate next steps can be intimidating, but there are tools to bring compassion and reason to the discussion.

  1. Start the Conversation Early and Keep it Going

Like anything else, the more we practice something, the easier and more natural it becomes. Breaking the barrier on tough topics such as financial decisions or end-of-life choices can feel daunting, but it doesn't have to be. Depending on your relationship with your loved one, you might approach these conversations in different ways. For example, you could casually mention finding a great website that makes creating advance directives easy and affordable. Or you might talk about a beautiful new assisted living facility being built nearby and invite them to check it out with you for a casual happy hour.

Once you begin the conversation, continue to incorporate different important topics of discussion into everyday chats.

  1. Approach the conversation with Knowledge and Empathy

When your aging parents are finally ready to listen, it's important to be well-prepared. If you're concerned about them safely driving, come equipped with a list of alternative transportation options. If you're suggesting in-home care, have a list of local providers, pricing and reviews ready to share.

Throughout these discussions, it's crucial to avoid being confrontational or using overly forceful language. The reason for these conversations is rooted in your love and care for your parents, so keep that in mind during every difficult moment.

  1. Know Your Place

This might sound a bit harsh, but it's important to remember: you're not the parent and never will be. Involving your parents in important decisions and valuing their opinions and perspectives will create the mutual respect needed to come to the best decisions for everyone.

We are fortunate if we have the chance to enjoy our parents, grow older, and remain active in the lives of our families. Remember — and remind your aging parents — that every effort is made with the goal of helping them live their happiest and healthiest life.

Aging Individualized – Aging and Dementia Care Navigation helps care partners and aging individuals navigate the often-confusing health care system, ensuring you're prepared for the "what ifs" of healthy aging as well as cognitive decline. Samantha McDaniel also provides hands-on care management, offering personalized support to individuals who need help managing their health, daily affairs and long-term care decisions.

Comments

No comments on this item Please log in to comment by clicking here